Naturally attract the partners you long for with guest Allana Pratt

~ 97 minutes ~

Tired of *trying* to find the person you want? There's a faster path and it is completely within your reach. Everyone has the capacity to deepen their intimacy with Self and when you do, you'll find that others respond. Stop trying to be someone for someone else and BE YOU. 
Joli talks with the incomparable Allana Pratt about the pains and perils of trying to date without doing your personal work. 
BONUS: this episode opens up with a conversation between Joli & Ken. We are getting super vulnerable about what's going on for us right now and it's not all pretty. If you've ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes, you don't want to miss this episode!
Today's guest:
Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt is a global media personality and go-to authority for those who have suffered heartbreak and are ready to live unapologetically and attract an open-hearted ideal relationship. She has been chosen as an Icon of Influence, is a columnist on the GoodMenProject, and has been featured on Huffington Post, People Magazine, Forbes, CBS, ABC & FOX, and more.

This Ivy League grad is the Author of 6 books, has interviewed Whoopi Goldberg and Alanis Morissette, and Hosts the edgy Podcast “Intimate Conversations” where listeners learn how to find the relationship they deserve. A certified coach with close to 5 million viewers on YouTube, Allana was asked by Leeza Gibbons to coach her during Dancing with the Stars.

While supporting a number of nonprofits, Allana has created a new category with an inclusive Partnering App & Intimacy Training app called HeartMates where members Become the One to Find the One… which Keeps the One! She also offers HeartMates for Couples, private and group coaching plus retreats so that her clients have a thriving intimate relationship with themselves first, which naturally attracts and enhances their ideal partnerships.

Take the free B-Spot Quiz and discover what your hidden blindspot is!
www.allanapratt.com/quiz

The following transcript was generated by AI, so enjoy the AI-flavored word choices and unconventional spellings of names,

Joli Hamilton
great relationships don't just happen. If you want one, you've got to make it yourself. But what do you do that when you didn't have the models and examples that you needed, some of us were lucky enough to have seen one or two solid marriages growing up. But that's not really enough, since what worked for them isn't necessarily going to work for you.

And lots of us just started doing marriage and love and relationships the way we thought was expected. Only to find ourselves in a love story. That's I don't know. Okay, I guess

Ken Hamilton
there's no right one right way to do love. That's good news. You can let go with all that old baggage and craft a marriage or partnership, or chosen family or molecule or whatever that is so much more than okay. It's really the creation of a life that finally feels like home. At least that's what doing this has felt like for me.

Joli Hamilton
Me too. And getting here wasn't easy. It wasn't easy for us, we learned the hard way, the very hard way that love is a verb, and the actions of love. Don't just come naturally. We all need skills and tools and support to do this well. And now it's completely normal. Welcome to the project relationship Podcast. I'm Dr. Joli, Hamilton, research psychologist, and a sec certified sexuality educator. I'll be sharing personal stories, evidence based research and case studies from my work as a relationship coach.

Ken Hamilton
I'm Ken Hamilton. I'm a human doing my best to make relationships my biggest priority in life. We're going to dig deep and offer vulnerable conversations between us as we keep learning how to customize our love, and keep growing as individuals

Joli Hamilton
as individuals. And as a couple. And as a more some, it's all very interesting. And we're also going to have some amazing, nuanced conversations with experts who can help you learn more ways to design the life you want. And if you find yourself saying at any point, damn, I really needed to hear that while you're listening. I would love it. We would love it. If you would head over and give us a quick rate and review on iTunes. It really does help other people find us and we'd be so grateful for that.

Ken Hamilton
Now it's time to reimagine your relationship from the ground up. Welcome to the project relationship podcast. Hey, so hi, everybody.

Joli Hamilton
Here we are. Yes. In the summer of of guesting episodes, hot guests, summer hot guests summer, if you will, yes. The reason this is hot guest summer is because I managed to find a whole bunch of people who I am thrilled to share with our audience. Yeah, and have some different conversations. Ken and I are going to be taking the podcast that you're listening to in a new direction in the fall a little bit. And I think everybody's gonna be really excited about it. So we'll hear a little bit more about that soon. But yeah, be on the lookout. But in the meantime, meantime, we have we have these great episodes that were recorded some with just me some with both of us. And this week is definitely its blockbuster. We have Alana Pratt, or I did.

Ken Hamilton
I had a lot of pride. I did not

Joli Hamilton
Yeah, well, I was thrilled. So I was on a lot of Prats podcasts, and she and I just totally gelled the second we, we popped onto each other screen and we just like, got it. And the irony there is our stance on relationships. If you were just to look at it on paper, it looks so different. Because I'm all about, you know, helping people transition from monogamy to non monogamy, I'm about helping people see intimacy in this really expansive big way and maybe undo some of the programming from earlier times. And Alana really does focus on helping people find the one and keep the one.

Ken Hamilton
Okay, so that's on paper. It looks like a different approach. But it's Yeah,

Joli Hamilton
but we tell you the conversation,

Ken Hamilton
the conversations are really well aligned. Yeah. You just

Joli Hamilton
reviewed the conversation that she and I had. And would you say if you didn't hear what I just said, Okay. Would you say that? She and I have different perspectives on love?

Ken Hamilton
No, I wouldn't have said that at all. Not at all.

Joli Hamilton
I think that's possibly one of the most important parts about what we're doing on this particular podcast is that this isn't about us proselytizing, polyamory or non monogamy right? i If you like monogamy and you're into it, and it is working for you and your partner, go forth and prosper.

Ken Hamilton
Yeah, it's it's proselytizing. Yeah, good relationships, restful ones, according to your goals.

Joli Hamilton
And what I have found is that for many people, the thing that's unspoken is that they actually want more expansive connections, whether that is sexual, or whether that is deep, intimate friendships, or whether that means taking your relationship to yourself with yourself, right, super seriously and really prioritizing that in a way that monogamous relationships often don't, or at least we're told they're not. Yeah. And so I don't I don't care how many people you want to sleep with. That is not my concern. My concern is that you get to create the relationship that you mean to have Yes. Right. And that you get to keep letting it evolve and grow as you evolve and grow. Because I believe in in individuation, I believe that we are all in the process of becoming more and more ourselves. So your relationship,

Ken Hamilton
and that's how you handle that. Going over the episode, that's one of the places you line up. That's not the language she used in the episode, but it's known, getting into your your hole all yourself, and understanding who you are so that you can go find the people who feel that you know who like that,

Joli Hamilton
who like that. So that made me think of, so you and I have not been getting along the last we have not, we have not been getting along. And I say that and I kind of laugh because it in many ways, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Like we don't need to like each other all the time, to be deeply committed to be loving, to be careful with each other to the degree that we can in any moment.

Ken Hamilton
Our relationship goals and agreement don't include liking each other all the time. It's not part of

Joli Hamilton
which is good news for both of us.

Ken Hamilton
Right in this moment.

Joli Hamilton
Yeah, so I'm laughing because I mean, I think one of the pieces of feedback I get from listeners and clients who work with me who have been listened to the podcast, or people who come to my life trainings and workshops and retreats and such, um, people imagine that our relationship is some sort of, like goal to aspire to. Yeah,

Ken Hamilton
no, if you want to have your own, you got to have your own, you got to pick out your own goals. And ours is messy,

Joli Hamilton
too. It just isn't. We've talked about it. But I think a lot of times we talk about it as if it was messy, but now we've achieved this.

Ken Hamilton
Yeah, that's yes, Porsche

Joli Hamilton
bullshit. Because, in fact, there is no individuation. If you've decided that you've individuated there. Yeah, the second either one of us says, Great. We've achieved

Ken Hamilton
that has happened to me over and over in little things, not like oh, I'm done. I am now a person, no full person. It's not like that. But little things like oh, I've been struggling with this. Ah, I think that I've achieved completeness on this struggle. And then immediately it comes back.

Joli Hamilton
Nailed it. As soon as you say, Yeah,

Ken Hamilton
I got Oh, no, it's it just climbed up to my back and is throttling me,

Joli Hamilton
this is so this is beautiful. I have been learning how to take seriously Jung's notion of complexes, right. So complexes are just like sticky spots on our soul, that they just like we have an original imprint. And then we just sort of like, it's like we're walking through the forest of life picking up burgers, or socks in the same particular place over and over, and then the burgers get burgers, and then you get this like energy spot. It's just sticky and gross. And I've been studying a little bit more Buddhism and you know, reminds me of the notion of samskaras. And how we just get these patterns. And they just, oh, what I love what Jung said about them. And I, it feels helpful to me in this moment. We're not trying to resolve them, not trying to solve them and be rid of them. Because a person without complexes is called a dead person. Yeah, right. Like, that's the energy flow. So we can want to be able to work with the patterns in productive ways in ways that feel energetically satisfying, or just to be able to observe them without I've been practicing. Just observing the fact that I have a pattern that I don't like, without trying to fix it. And just being like, oh, there it is.

Ken Hamilton
Interesting, huh. Interesting. And that

Joli Hamilton
process of, of coming to grips with the fact that it's not going to be done. Yep, it's not going to be done.

Ken Hamilton
And one of the things that I learned from you, and you learned from all of your studies is that yeah, we we don't get rid of them. We can't get rid of them. But we don't want to because they are. They're how the energy moves in us. And like you said, If there weren't any, the energy wouldn't move. And that's what you said, Yeah, with no moving energy, you got a dead person there. And sort of want to be a dead person. But sometimes we don't have to be talking.

Joli Hamilton
Literally. We know psychologically, psychologically inert, good, numb, right? Yeah, I'm not looking for that. Me either. But sometimes, okay. Sometimes yesterday,

Ken Hamilton
I'm suffering sometimes sometimes. I have like, 130,

Joli Hamilton
I look at you or look at me, and I look like, I'm gonna use you as an example here. I was all kinds of hostile about this. Yesterday, I was witnessing a part a part of you at acting, like you just you could not show up and be present. Yeah, for the parts of me that were out acting, even though you volunteered to and there's, there's the, there's the trick yourself in the position of like, hey, I'll be here for you. And then you couldn't and you got you just went to all silent? Yep. And, and I, this almost never happens to me. Well, everybody just got a little bling. Okay, so computers make noises. I had a time that doesn't happen to me, often I went a little nonverbal, or maybe a lot nonverbal. I just lost my capacity for words for like, 45 minutes, maybe longer. And I couldn't ask for what I needed. And in, in the moment, we were both really caught in our own company,

Ken Hamilton
you had you had yours. And then I responded. And it's not just that, but other things that led up to it. And then there's

Joli Hamilton
the thing in relationships, our, our complexes, they set each other off, like it's part of why we're in a relationship, it's part of the entanglement that we have is your stuff lights up my stuff. And your stuff reminds me of all the damn work I still have to do on myself. Get Oh, it is cluttered in here, man. It is cluttered. And so I'm saying this, I'm trying to be as transparent as possible. Because

part of me doesn't want to share this stuff. Part of me really wants to just get to be the expert. And not share this. But again, calling bullshit on that. Because there's always going to be work tearing there is yeah, in between us. And one of our our North Star is growth over comfort.

But it's hard sometimes. It is hard. So coming back to what the conversation I had with Alana. You know, I was thinking about how she was talking about having a relationship with yourself first. Yeah. And yesterday, the thing that stuck out to me was, I couldn't relate to myself. So I was locked inside because I couldn't like I was, I was like, locked in a room with myself alone. And it was I did not like it. And that led me to want to project all this stuff all over you and say why are you fixing it?

Ken Hamilton
Yep. And I had offered to help in those moments. And then and then it lit up your stuff to it. And then I didn't help I in fact, I did.

Joli Hamilton
But you tried. It didn't work because you also got Yeah,

Ken Hamilton
because I got into my stuff. And this by the way is why we have these patterns in our relationships of of why we're having the same argument why is this fight the same as the last fight because this isn't the first time this has happened with us? Bing Bing, Bing and it happens with all of us because we have a a set of things we know about ourselves these these complexes and maybe we know maybe we don't but they're in there. And when this particular set interacts, you find yourself in the same fight

Joli Hamilton
right? And these these patterns so like the Gottman is talk about these these perpetual arguments, right? Like this is this is a very widely discussed concept. But I'm noticing that when I when I'm living it, I don't give a damn. How widely discussed it is.

Ken Hamilton
Yeah. Who's talking about

Joli Hamilton
I don't care that everybody told me it was going to be like this. My mama told me she did. Yeah. But it really does suck. And one of the things that feels impossible in the moment is to remember that it won't feel exactly like this. And I'm I'm better at remembering that inside myself. Like I know my feelings will change. But sometimes I forget that in fact, our relational pattern the the fight we have the one that feels perpetual, we're having the same fight. Yeah, in fact, it's not the same. That's good news and why It was right like the on the on the negative side, like all we're all sad is yet we're locked in what seems like the same pattern have playing out over and over, we're fighting about the same thing. And so therefore now I can look back over the course of our relationship and say see, right always do this yeah, or worse I can say, See you always do this. But on the upside, it's not actually the same. It's colored by everything we're doing. And so recently, I've been making a practice of letting myself observe these stuck patterns without trying to change or fix. I'm a bit of a doer. I don't know whether people have noticed that.

Ken Hamilton
You are, you're a doer. So I've been

Joli Hamilton
practicing just being with them. And what I noticed is in our relationship, that's the place where I struggle the most to just let them be. So yesterday was good practice. And it didn't work terribly. Well. It didn't.

Ken Hamilton
I mean, yep,

Joli Hamilton
we're okay. I mean, I went for a walk at 11pm Last night, I wandered through. Luckily, we live in this beautiful place with fields and I was just out walking, wondering if I was going to run into our local bear. Bobert Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's black bear. He's perfectly lovely. Yeah, we we named him Bobert. I like him. I, I was just out, I went out for the walk. I walked up and down the field four times, which means they probably walked about a mile or so. And then I took a cold shower. The coldest shower I could think of because all I could think is okay, it's 95 degrees out.

So I'm hot and sweaty, but also I was thinking about something one of my mentors, Jess Rhoades, she was working with one of my other mentors, Elizabeth Kristoff and they were talking about the benefits of regulating the nervous system through a cold plunge. And I could have run into the river. But I didn't actually want to deal with getting down into the river. And honestly, it probably wasn't as cold right now as the water coming out of the tub. It's true. So I've turned on the cold water. And I said, Okay, this isn't about punishment, I'm just going to get in and notice that I can be present here in my body

while experiencing this cold water, and it'll be okay. And I stood there for three minutes. And it was cold.

Ken Hamilton
And I was fine. We're fine.

Joli Hamilton
And in. And physiologically also, I was experiencing a change. I was cooling down. I was feeling differently in my body now. And I felt different. And so when I got out of the shower, it felt good. I felt like I could be the person I wanted to be next to you.

Ken Hamilton
Not for not, but it really knocks you back.

Joli Hamilton
It was not. I was like oh, okay, I self regulated. I found my center again. But I hadn't found our relational center.

Ken Hamilton
I find your center, right, which is good. I mean, you can see you came back and I was like, oh, no, not this guy again.

Joli Hamilton
And bust the problem of right now. Yeah, living in a tent. Our house is not finished. It's nearing we're starting to get close. There wasn't any place else to go. Right. In that moment. I mean, there just wasn't it was 95 degrees at night. And it there just wasn't anywhere to go. And so we laid next to each other. And we slept. And we tried to shut up.

Ken Hamilton
Yeah. And it was wasn't easy.

Joli Hamilton
Yeah. Because the thing is shutting up about angry is fine. It is it's fine. You're not going to be bad. I used to I used to fight. I used to fight it out

Ken Hamilton
till the end, which has taken till two or three in the morning, which doesn't make the next morning

Joli Hamilton
and I start to devolve and you start to like we're tired. And now we're Yeah.

Ken Hamilton
And now I wake up at 2am That's Ted Mosby said Mosby said

Joli Hamilton
most of us moms said That's right. Right. So we we have learned that it's okay to go to bed angry. Yep.

Ken Hamilton
That's angry. It is unsatisfying. But sometimes it doesn't matter.

Joli Hamilton
It doesn't. And, and there's the thing. I actually went to bed angry mostly at myself, because I couldn't figure out how to fix the problem. And I'm the fixer here. It's hard to fix it. And I couldn't. And when I woke up, nothing was fixed. Yep. So here I am. Right. What I'm noticing is, maybe it doesn't have to be because I already know. I woke up and I still I choose you. And I choose me. So we're doing this together. And the this right now is

Ken Hamilton
Yeah, right. And so that's that's how it is. Sometimes Sometimes it's

Joli Hamilton
and I knew we needed to record this and I was like, I'm not going to talk about it. Which meant of course I was gonna talk about it. Because that's what I do to myself. I like to set myself little challenge.

Ken Hamilton
Challenge accepted.

Joli Hamilton
I Yeah. Ted Mosby minor fuckery.

Ken Hamilton
Yeah, so Wow, well I'm, I am impressed with you that you did you did share it because Yeah. You said no, I don't want to talk about this. But the thing is, we all do it. We it's a part of all of our lives, whether it's with yourself or with partners.

Joli Hamilton
We get stuck. And what is now the only thing I know is what is now will not be. Right. That's it. That's really all there is. So, you know, Alana was the conversation I had with Alana went exactly to these places of like, how do I know myself first, so that I can relate? How can I get to know myself so that I can choose people so I can choose partners? Whether you want to choose the one, or you want to choose the one for tonight? I don't care. But yeah, how do I choose someone to share myself with without knowing myself? And one

Ken Hamilton
of the things I saw in the episode is, yep, so you two are aligned. In so many ways. You do this part of it completely differently, completely, but you have significant differences in how you approach finding out about yourself, growing and learning. So there's as many ways to do that as there are people Yeah,

Joli Hamilton
so you're gonna find your own way. Okay, so without further ado, let me introduce Alana Pratt. She's an intimacy expert, a global media personality and a go to authority for those who have suffered heartbreak, and are ready to live, unapologetically and attract an open hearted ideal relationship. She has been chosen as an icon of influence. She's a columnist for the good men project, and has been featured on Huffington Post, People Magazine, Forbes, CBS, ABC, FOX, and more. She is everywhere people. She's an Ivy League grad and author of six books, she's interviewed some amazing names, so I feel really lucky to be counted amongst her interview, ease to will link that podcast where I appeared on her show, because she's interviewed people like Alana Morissette and Whoopi Goldberg. Her podcast is called intimate conversations, you're gonna want to check that out, too. But first, let's talk to her. Alana is the creator of heart meats. And she's here to help people know how to have an intimate relationship with themselves first, so that they'll naturally attract and enhance their ideal partnerships.

Ken Hamilton
So sounds great.

Joli Hamilton
Let's give that a listen.

Elana, thank you so much for joining me to get to have you on the show. I'm really excited.

Allana Pratt
So thanks for by, and I just love, you know, this, I'm sure we can only go as deep as the listener. And so I love that you are deep, right out of the gate. So we're gonna go deep for everyone else. And it is a blessing for me. Because all that I want to say can be received. And for that.

Joli Hamilton
That's it exactly, exactly. So when I was getting myself familiar with your work, and I was thinking about what would be the direction we could go, what I noticed is honestly, you like me, you like intimacy, you like to talk about connection. And so I knew we could go any direction. But I was thrilled with the idea of talking about getting back out there dating, connecting with people trying to figure out what it is we want. So I would love if you could just to start us off by by saying, Why do you do what you do? Why does this matter to you? My audience knows why it matters to me, why does it matter to you?

Allana Pratt
Yeah. I don't know about you and how you grew up, but I did not feel seen in who I am. And I felt like maybe a quarter of who I am maybe half of who I am, was now then I was just too much. And so I I felt like what's wrong with me? How do I need to pretzel myself into something else so that I can finally just connect. And then when I finally stopped looking on the outside to try to get that, you know, two divorces, and all the rest of it, the only one in common that would be me. So I'm like, Okay, so let's go out, let's go the other direction. Let's go on the inside and have this depth of connection. And what I discovered were a lot of parts of myself that I was ashamed of insecure about. And just, I mean, I might come laude graduate of an Ivy League school author this and I mean, you think I would have it together but hardly, and as I began, and I'll call it, like, fall madly, with my wobbly parts just as much as amazing parts. And I made space for all of me and I stopped resisting. It was an incredibly deep spiritual awakening. I was I literally had this moment where I I know it doesn't really work like this, but I pretended that God and the goddess were sitting there and I couldn't even look them in the eye. I was so ashamed that I wasn't good enough and they probably judged me. And then finally through various practices, and I do quantum psychology work in spiritual technology work and just dance movement. I do all this, all the things, all the things, all the things one day in my meditation I imagined I looked them in the eye. They immediately were just like we've been waiting, but we can't do it to you. You have freewill. When you're ready to be unabashedly unapologetically, here I am the good, the bad, the ugly, you meet the wall. And I imagined in my mind's eye, scotch and cigar. I don't need to like try to be anybody other than I am. And this connection was self expanded into connection with my body and my sexuality expanded in connection with like, all these direct experiences with the divine, and just a courage to explore life and deep connections. What I began to notice is I began to repel shallow surface situations, people, clients, lovers, and I began to attract this depth. And it's like, Where have you been all my life, I've known you forever with someone at the grocery store, or someone that I would meet and have a lover or a client. And the richness is so fulfilling in one moment, and one connection is eternity, and feeling so safe in myself, and letting them feel so safe. It's exquisite. It's just yummy and exquisite. And it even happens with animals. I'm living in the middle of nowhere, I'm renting a property with nine horses. And the horses. Whenever I drive up there, like she's home, and they come over and say hi, like their dogs. It's so cute. I was in Jackson Hole this last weekend with a girlfriend I've known for 20 years. And we're in the hot tub and a mouse. A mouse comes over with the baby mummy and baby like six feet away from us. I'm like what is going on? And it's an energy of safety and invitation and allowance and non resistance. And people tell you things they've never told you. And to me it's a real privilege and honor that space holder for for someone's humanity. There's nothing God beautiful to me.

Joli Hamilton
That's it, it will and that's why we both do our work. I mean, I follow your work. And I think yep, this is why we do the work because we didn't come to it easily. It didn't just happen. There are people out there who just grow up and and they start connecting with people. And it happens sort of gently, and they don't really notice. And then there are people who go through the wringer. And that's who I think most of my audience identifies that having gone through the wringer. And realized eventually, one day that the common denominator is themselves. And that's definitely where I found myself. And what I think is so fascinating is, it's so easy when we're relating to imagine that the other person needs to change the other person needs to be different. What an interesting metaphor than the animals because we do understand that animals don't need to change, they don't need to be different. And so we're we're only going to draw to them, where they're only gonna be drawn to us from a place of just wholeness of themselves. Yeah, that's a reminder to me Yeah, of like, what it feels like when somebody is drawn. Yeah, just out of completeness in themselves already.

Allana Pratt
Yeah, just being alive gets more juicy and fun. Like I have the experience, not 24/7 Because I get in my head and I have my moments, but making love with life. Like, I have this ritual in the morning, I'm getting up even earlier, just to sit there's a chair right over there, where the sunrise is just to sit with nature, and sit with the sunrise and connect more deeply. I feel the embodiment I feel held in a way that I have never felt held by the universe. And it gives me the courage to expand and contribute and serve more, because I'm not so attached to the result. If this isn't going to happen, something else is going to happen. Because the universe literally is in as in through me and has my back. And so long as I'm living to the best of my ability in coherence with an open heart letting you know love in as in through me, it's gonna be okay. It might not look like what I think. And just the other day, who was I talking to my sales gal? And she had met somebody awesome, and she's really excited. And my assistant, she's met somebody really awesome and she's really happy. Obviously, no, I got the horses. You know, I've none of that crazy. None that crazy shit. But anyways, I was like, You know what? I have so much love to give. I think the brain thinks there's got to be someone out there for me. But what if there isn't? What if I just have a series of beautiful, rich, intimate deep connections for the rest of my life? Is that really so bad? I'm already making love with life and God and the divine every day anyway. So it's not like I I'm alone but not lonely. And it's just lets me open to I wonder what how the universe wants to utilize my genius. Like have your way with me? I surrender.

Joli Hamilton
Yes, surrender. There you go. I am loving this and it feels so resonant to me right now. So I'm in the dating game right now. I I'm also married. So here's my life, I'm married, and I seek multiple relationships. It's, it's a long practice. We've been at this for 13 years, we've been around a lot. So we have a great set of practices around jealousy and balance and figuring out what works for us. But that doesn't mean the dating apps are easy. It doesn't mean that going out there as easy. So I hear you saying, you know, what, what's, it's that non attachment to the outcome, that is the only option. If I go out there saying I need to have I need to fill my, my polyamorous, you know, like, value pack, like what a terrible place to date from. And it was the same as single person. Like, if I'm trying too hard to look for something specific. I'm probably going to miss what I actually need.

Allana Pratt
Genetically push it away because of the attachment. I love what you're saying. I don't know if you know, I'm developing a partnering app. Because I believe that dating apps are designed to keep people single, because they their business model makes money if you fail at love, right? SAS? Yes. And so two years ago, when COVID hit my clients were saying already, I get to three weeks, maybe two, three months into this relationship. And the first hard conversation. I'm ditched and ghosted, nobody deep, nobody can keep their heart open and like, stay present, sit in the fire evolve closer. Where can I find these people? And I'm like, I don't know. So I'll create it. So it's called Heart mates. Yes, way it's all evolved has been fascinating. And I'm so glad you're sharing your your situation your story with me, because I choose to I will I love everybody. That's just that, that and gender identification, sexual orientation, how you choose to be monogamous, polyamorous date with all the rest of it. So if I'm truly going to walk my talk with inclusive, there's going to be both heart mates for singles and couples in the app at one time. And I'm going to put all the I'm developing it right now. So they all the questions will be about just being transparent and honest. That's it when you're single, and you're looking to have the one and you just want the one Well, that's what you put in your in your profile. And if you're a couple wanting to improve your relationship superduper. But if you're looking for someone else to date, like if we're just going to be honest, what a concept. We're going to be forthright. And we're going to create a container where everyone in this this partnering app is doing the intimacy training, we're all growing learning. We never get there, right? Yeah, have these live conscious connection calls once a week, where we practice a dyad, which is basically you speak and the other one just says thank you. Yeah, the purpose is to understand not to be right, not to dominate, not to look good not to control, but to understand, and learn just to say thank you, and not justify and make excuses and all the rest of it. So this whole community is evolving with the times. And I'm really proud of what we've already we've already got the intimacy training, we've already got the live calls, friggin dating part is bugged. So we're still working on that. But we'll get there we'll get there and to be the spokesperson for transparency. And this become the one to find the one which is this one, by the way.

Joli Hamilton
Exactly. There's the thing, there's the thing, and to me, it doesn't matter how like, I I always find it funny when people draw this delineation between monogamy and non monogamy, when in truth, most of us are practicing lack of connection to ourselves first. And once we have that, the number of other connections you have, whether they are intimate friendships or intimate connections with your community, or it doesn't matter, like we're all once were intimately connected to ourselves. We're all capable of having multiplicity in our life. There's no one right way to design your relationship. And lots of people, actually about 25%, according to a recent national survey, are interested in some type of open relationship. But how do you know if you are ready to open up happily? Not everyone is and that's no problem. I've got a 62nd quiz that will give you the answer. And even better, you'll walk away with your next step whether you're good to go or not so much when it comes to opening up. And this is no BuzzFeed nonsense. I personally designed this quiz. From my years of academic research. Go to Joli quiz.com. That's J O L I can quiz.com and find out if you're ready to open up happily and what to do if you are or if you're not. You know how many people you have sex with is not that's not the question. It's not the important part. It really doesn't even matter. At the end of the day, it's can you be emotionally close to someone? Can you hold their truth? Can you just be present together?

Allana Pratt
Yeah. And from that place, can you create agreements that honor everybody? because you have the bravery to know what you know and speak up and create that, right? I love that. And also the idea of sexual partners but also sexual energy. Because to me sexual energy isn't just Boucek abou G is care, and tenderness and healing and touch with your child with great friends with your clients. Like I had a VIP before my last retreat. And I thought I knew what we were going to work on. And she thought she knew what we were going to work on. I held her sobbing for 45 minutes. Yep, there you go. Never learning that one of the reasons why she's very masculine and having trouble receiving is that her mum and dad rarely held her. And her husband loves her dearly and holds her but it's always going to end up in sex. So that next level of exhale, just held hadn't occurred. And so I'm just like, Oh my god. So we have this kind of sexual healing energy, the sexual energy of Creation, and an idea, let's create a podcast, let's do an interview, let's create an app, like live energy, but it's, it's this burst of energy that goes out into the world, and we want it to be alive and well and flowing and blossoming in your life. And I believe sexual energy is also fierce love boundaries, but not closed, heart push away. But open heart loving, clarity, and being. And if we could have that transformation from anger at another or at self into fierce love of our values, then nobody, there's no winner and no loser. we all we all win because we're willing to speak truth. And then of course, there's all the are delicious, erotic, naughty, yummy sexual energy as well. But then you can put all that other energy into your your lovemaking as well. So it's not just one one dimensional, either, where you just go for the climax, and then you're done. And you fall asleep. What if we let go the goal there, too, we let go of the attachment there too. And just allow the energetic flow of presence and pleasure to be there. Right. Yeah, I

Joli Hamilton
Well, I, I love it. I love it. I I'm thinking now about what happens when I see clients. And they are, they're struggling with what it means to be out there and experience what you just described. And I've actually experienced it. In the last year I've dated 12 People who have really as soon as it got deep as soon as we crossed the boundary. And it's not always sex. Sometimes. It's just that first real conversation. Yes. Not even always a difficult conversation. Sometimes it's just the first time that they felt me see them.

Allana Pratt
Yes. And then poof,

Joli Hamilton
just a lack. And so interesting for me, because I have this incredibly deep connection to my anchor partner, my husband. So I have this example in my life day to day as well as my seven kids with these like this. Yeah, yeah. And they're and they're older, they're older. So like, we're, you know, it's a lot of conscious relating, because they're 15 to 22. Wow. So I have lots of examples of that. So I'm not in a spot where it's either or, I know that it can be both. And because I'm experiencing that, poof, that disappearance, what happens when people can't tolerate the beauty? That just beautiful, whatever, we can't even exactly name it. It's almost I feel like I wonder, because it feels like it's harder since the pandemic. It's almost as though we're all just so tender. And it's almost too beautiful to bear.

Allana Pratt
You are exquisite just for shits and giggles need to make sure I say that before I forget what I want to say what I want to say next. Thank you. I believe there was the illusion, a pandemic, a pandemic before the pandemic of an illusion that life could somehow be certain. Right? Yeah. And clearly you can't. And the beauty and the exquisiteness of these profound moments is that you're willing to let go of certainty and be in the unknown and keep your heart open and stay present. Why? Because you have an intimate relationship with yourself come hell or high water. Even if I'm rejected, I won't reject myself. Right? That's a fundamental building block number one of self realization is the ability to have this intimacy with ourselves and keep our heart open knowing full well we can control shit.

Joli Hamilton
That's it. That's it I total relaxation into the warm water that is I can't control it. No,

Allana Pratt
yeah. So that's my community. That's your community like we practice this so that when we relate on a retreat on a group call when I when people do you know find each other in my community, it's because we've already got our own back first, are already relating to the one which were looking in the mirror, which then allows you to be the space to hold this exquisite revealing of this person in front of you and you have these exquisite moments. But I would say in general, people are under the illusion that you can control life, or that you can make things be certain in the pandemic is flushed this humongous wound up that oh my god, we can't control anything, like a change on a dime. And so all that seeking safety and seeking approval and seeking accomplishment and seeking we're all like, it's busted, we're busted.

Joli Hamilton
Right? Yeah, we cannot fool ourselves anymore. Then I yet I think the temptation is there. I'm noticing when I see people getting back out there, they there is a temptation to try to return to that consciousness return to that. Everything can be sure. I know the facts. I know what it is objectively. And that template, it's, it's so dangerous, and I still work. Yeah. And it's like we've gone through all of this for nothing, then I that's what I don't want. I think I was lucky. I was exposed to some of this before this, like, oh, yeah, I can't know. What was your moment? How When did it happen for you? Where you were like, Oh, I really have to let go of everything I thought I knew and everything I thought I control?

Allana Pratt
It's a great question. And just to follow up on the last thing, I think we swung the pendulum into, oh my god, there's nothing we can control, holy shit. And if you don't do the work, yes, swing all the way to the other side, and you get attached again. But those who do go, Oh, here's an invitation to do the work when I'm triggered. This means sit in the fire and evolve. I think those of us have found the center. And let's be honest, if this is a bell curve of people, humanity, the ones that are conscious, that's just the little piece at the end, right? Most of humanity is still fighting with addictions, and control and all the rest of it. So to have compassion, and to date wisely, in the end of the bell curve, where people are doing the work, have done the work and will do the work, because we

Joli Hamilton
never write yet and are willing to understand that it is not a state to achieve. I studied union psychology, you are never individuated there is no end at the end of that. There's just you're never gonna get there. You're just staying standing.

Allana Pratt
The journey is the destination. Yeah. I love that you asked that question, because that was I was 16. Out at the lake. We had a cabin outside. I'm from Canada from a small town in Canada. And my friends were going to arrive on the weekend. And one of the friends came down the stairs from the highway near where your cabin was, and said James is dead. And they they joked with me all the time. I'm like, no, no, you're just and then her parents. And I'm like, Oh, this Israel. And I remember running down the yellow line of this highway screaming No, if you just keep screaming, it wouldn't be real. And then my dad, screeching cars, etc. I could hear my dad and my dad up until this point, my point of view was drunk, stoned. Not there for me not present. So this gentleman, my dad was walking down towards me. And I had one of the biggest awakening moments of my life. He took my shoulders, and he shook me, he goes, Look, if this is it, if this is all there is to life, and then that there's no more life. Let's get off. Life is eternal, you will see your friend again. Let's get off the highway. And I was like, Whoa, my dad's spiritual. And it just opened up a totally new point of view, a totally new reality. And then that night, my friends, our neighbors took me down to the Provincial Park to go bike riding to try to put me in a better mood. And as we're driving home back down to where it opens out, you can see the cabins along the side of the lake on a clear blue evening to rainbows right over my cabin. And I knew it was my friend. And the two is significant to rainbows. Because it's really a choice. You know, it happens. Pain happens and we can close. wish we'd never met them hate God for the rest of your life, like closed down and do the safety thing. Or, okay, how can I keep my heart open in the face of anything? And I chose the second and literally my app is called Heart mates, the hearts my coaching program hearts splayed wide open like it's always been about the hearts. And even my sweet dad who got all of his drugs from work was pharmacy the little drugstore with a big heart. Like we've always been about the heart and my family, whether we have addictions or not. So that was the first wake up call to realize there are no guarantees. And it was only two years later I hopped on Uncle Phil's 18 Wheeler semi from Canada to LA to make it in Hollywood failed move to Tokyo moved to New York lots of fun shit went down. But it was like no, there's no guarantee I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna say I love you when I feel it. And I know that if I get rejected or I experience It's pain, I will make it through it. I will make it through it. So thank God I got that lesson early on

Joli Hamilton
early, there's the thing early enough to gain more consciousness over time I, I had my I had many moments, but one didn't come one really important one didn't come till I was 33. And I have spent a lot of time wishing it came earlier. But that too is its own wasted time, right? We can only experience our wake up calls when we're ready. And that's just it. I'm wondering, what do you do now, to leave yourself open because I heard you talking about your practices. So you get up in the morning and you make love to the universe, you're, you're there you're available. What's another practice that you that you do to keep that heart open, because it's not easy to keep your heart open in this world.

Allana Pratt
I'm a hot mess. Every day I fail every day, I fall down every day, I make mistakes every day, because I'm up to big things. You don't just get on a bike and ride the very first time you'll wobble a hell of a lot of times skin, knees, the whole thing, throw the bike down the ditch like, right. So I have quite a self love practice with little you. I remember when I after I got divorced the second time, my son ended up we were in we were in court for 12 years, 1213 years, his whole life was court. And he accurately decided that the way to have peace was to let dad when I went live with dad. And I just took the high road and relinquished my custody and let him live 100% with his dad, and I said to my staff. So I'm going to have a nervous breakdown from Thursday, Sunday, and Monday to Thursday, I'll work but find me a cabin in the middle of nowhere, because I got on this deck of this cabin in the middle of nowhere. And I would journal on the weekends, all my fears I would get to know you know, maybe I wouldn't want to work with me because I'm not this relationship coach it can't forget and like even keep her child and then all the way down to like maybe I'll die alone. Like all of them. I wrote them all out and felt the fields. But then I put at the beginning and the end of the sentences even though I may go bankrupt die alone, lord knows I love and accept myself. Yeah. And I started to find all the little Atlanta's inside the scared that humiliated the insecure the betrayed that all. And I started to build a relationship, not to which is what I used to do. As soon as the feeling would come up at least I knew enough inner child work to like soothe myself that there was an agenda in order to be happy, look good, get money, get the guy

Joli Hamilton
perform, do the thing. Yeah,

Allana Pratt
I had never before, gone in and loved myself. And I had this image that they were inside my heart. And then I went inside and I threw away the key. I said, No, I'm gonna love you as you are forever, even if you never change ever, for eternity. Like that's unconditional love, love without condition. If this part of you never changes, and that was the key for me, was like oh, and something inside rested and aligned and then aligned and then aligned until 20 odd little Atlanta's and another direct experience with the divine where I don't know where I end and the universe begins. And it's just pure oneness. Something so I have a practice when something comes up, maybe not in the moment, maybe we need to wait till the evening or the next morning. But I make sure I go in and I be with this part of me with no agendas, even if we're single forever. Even if the app goes bankrupt, even if my dream doesn't come true to serve humanity in this way. Even even even even, I will never forsake you little little one inside my heart. That's it.

Joli Hamilton
I love that practice so much it resonates with one I do work called inner counsel with with my own inner parts. And when I think when when someone finally reaches when they reach the ability to do that, also their ability to hold space for their partners, whether those are long term or short term, whether those partners or friendships or intimate or sexual doesn't matter. But when you're able to do that for yourself, I find like my own container just enlarged. Shivers totally. Yeah. And it's such a it's such a profound difference. And there's a calmness in the connection then that I couldn't ever experienced before and, and I'm with you, it's a practice. I know I'm a hot mess all the time. And I can always feel the ability to like sit back into my heels and let that container open up. And that's where it becomes beautiful to go back out dating to go back on the apps and and brave the heart again and and share the potential right and or even just like go hang out out at Trader Joe's and just hope you get lucky squeezing a melon it does something for Trader Joe's was it's a great place, I think that's a that's a particularly good one that my local very Christian coffee shop, good choices, surprisingly good choices for me.

Allana Pratt
That's awesome. Oh my gosh, the inside creates the outside. That's how that works. And it's a magical feeling to it's a practice, as we said, to continue to come home to yourself, because for me the roots get deeper in the shoots get higher, like I'm willing to risk more, go for it more, show up more, give myself permission to have what truly delights me more, the more I get to know myself on the inside, regardless of what happens, I got me, I got me. And then there's an energy people feel around you. Because you're not going to reject yourself, they can feel it, that you're not going to reject them. You might not agree. But that's not the point agreements,

Joli Hamilton
not the point, right?

Allana Pratt
presence, and they feel safe to share things that they haven't shared with others. If you are looking for more abundance, or you know, your your purpose, or whatever, your people will feel you and want to work with you. They'll just say I don't know what it was. But I saw her on a podcast, right? And one more that

Joli Hamilton
I'll have some of that. You feel

Allana Pratt
it. It's real.

Joli Hamilton
Right? You know, you're reminding me to that, that ability to show up as yourself. It's so crucial for making real agreements in relationships. I talk about relationship agreements constantly, since obviously, if you're gonna have more than one, yeah, you have to really get clear and transparent. And you have to completely interrogate yourself all the time, like, am I performing here? Am I alright, boundaries clear for myself. But but the ability to recognize that you you don't have to agree with someone to make an agreement with them. You don't think you don't have to the agreement is in the negotiation and talking and sharing and then respecting that there can be a gap here. Yeah, and if I can, if I can be in alignment with your humanity, and we can honor each other. We don't have to agree. It's beautiful. And it's I mean, it's I think it's the only way out of this polarization. We're experiencing this, like intense tension that we're experiencing into, right? It's supposed to feel different. We're not supposed to feel like we're living in someone else's system. We're supposed to feel at home here. Yeah. And that makes dating feel so much better.

Allana Pratt
Totally. And I love what you're saying. Because if you're at peace with who you are and who you're not, with your values with what turns you on? Whether you're a hell yes, or a Fuck no, like, when you're clear about who you are, there's no need to justify, right? There's no need to make excuses. It's, why do you wear red lipstick, because I do. Like it doesn't matter. And that ability allows you to listen better, to the other, really feel and honor yourself and the other and then create something you might never have considered before an agreement outside of your, your initial thoughts. Because there's no one's attached to the outcome. No one's trying to justify their position, you're truly open. And that's when I think you know, scientifically, we know from coherence. When we're coherent, we can hear the non local intelligence, we can hear the whisper of the Divine we can hear, create creative options that normally we could never hear if our hearts are closed in, in shame of self or trying to control the other. So again, it all comes back down again to our intimate relationship with ourself. And it makes life a mystery. Right? And open to that delight of the mystery. Yeah,

Joli Hamilton
access to other ways of knowing. Yeah, I was I was such a, I was so committed to my thinking self, that when I realized that if I could finally just love myself at like, at a really core level Lee and again, in a practice, because it's not something that's done, that there would be an openness to other ways of knowing my work got better. My creativity picked up my ability to parent creatively, which is important when you have multiple children all needing different things different. They all need a different mom, like, not simple when it was the access to that many ways of knowing that really allowed me to come into what I think of as my second half of parenting my second half of adulthood. Oh, this is better. I wish I could have had it the whole time. But I'm so glad it's here now. So glad.

Allana Pratt
But you also teach them that you grow and you evolve and you never give up and so perfect from the beginning then they probably judge themselves for not being perfect and we'd all be having a horrible time. So good, right? Tell them your evolution, your humanity. Your ascension. I love this. It's it is

Joli Hamilton
it is so important. And I really I want to honor you I don't want to let the opportunity pass to to make the decision to allow Well, your child to choose a peaceful route, even if it doesn't feel like the right route or it doesn't feel good is I have one of my children is does not live with us. And it's such a challenge. And it's something I so rarely truly feel seen about. Like, the choice was not his mother's the right person for him to live with. It's the right decision. There's less fighting, it's the end. Right? So it can it's really living in the both and the, this is the right decision. And I can feel it in my body and it hurts. Yeah, we can tolerate so much more. Because it's actually out of love. But to do that, totally.

Allana Pratt
Yeah, thank you for seeing me. Very few people hear me, and but they've never walked in my shoes to make that decision. So they can't deeply understand. So I'm sorry, but also glad that we can get each other that way. And that's, um, that's the power of love. That's it.

Joli Hamilton
That's it. It's because it's beyond what feels good right now in this moment? Or what will look good to other people? Hello, right? Judgment from others. Right? And because it can't be about that fear,

Allana Pratt
Oh, now he's gonna drink the Kool Aid too much and hate me or, Oh, it's a litany by his path is his life. That's his choice. And he gets to own that. That's it. Like, it's your honor, that

Joli Hamilton
you get to honor that I, I have always felt a bit of an outcast in my motherhood because I, I had my kids young, I started at 22. But I felt like they were always separate from me, I never take, I never take their wins as mine. And I and I also don't take their losses as like a direct reflection, like they are really themselves. And as they now now that they're older, I see that the practice of that has left them able to reinvent themselves over and over again. I feel like that was a stump. I just stumbled into it. I got lucky that my was detached from their outcome that way. But it has let me make these hard choices. And I see you like just being with that. And like, yeah, yeah. And this is the it's that beautiful and awful. That life is all tangled up together.

Allana Pratt
Totally. But that's also life. You know, so many people addicted to all the pleasure and the good. And let's just be positive. Right? No, life is equal pleasure and pain. Yeah. And there's beauty in the pain. And there's detriment to a little too much pleasure. Forget one of those kids at the grocery store. And

Joli Hamilton
you're absolutely, totally. Yeah, you remind me of there's this comedian and relationship coach Pasha Marlo and she says that life is brutal, brutal and beautiful. That were to fall. That's it.

Allana Pratt
That's perfect. It really is and what it helps me be as present. Yeah, so I'm not attached to a result that if I finally get I, I'll never feel pain again. Getting out there again. It's gonna be painful. I'm not gonna lie. Once you find somebody, it's going to be painful. Yeah, not gonna lie. There's no escape from the pain people. Right? So if you know that not like to shut down or be skeptical, not for that reason. But to know that in those difficult times of dating or relationship, you will hurt. But if you keep connected to yourself and lean in and sit in the fire, and be with that beautiful part of yourself that is evolving. It's a Phoenix out of the flame. That's why they say that, right?

Joli Hamilton
Yeah. And that's my nickname. Mike. You just You just said my nickname. My nickname is Phoenix. It has been since the day of my divorce.

Allana Pratt
Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay, well, there we go get another

Joli Hamilton
round of shiver. There's another. You get me?

Allana Pratt
Do I do so we don't date to finally be good enough. Or to finally soothe the loneliness or to prove that we're worthy. Like we don't that's not you're gonna you're gonna fuck yourself. Yeah, okay. But if you're, if you're showing up because your truth, aches for that experience, to know thyself through risk and showing up and being authentic and saying thank you, but no thank you and, and finding your way. And each moment is is enough. Each moment has a gift in it with whoever you meet on that dating path. Along the way, every one of them has has a gift. And if you keep connected to yourself, I like to go home and talk to my vagina. I'm like so, Yoni, here's how you feel about that one. Sometimes we'll do it right in the middle of a date. Or in the bathroom. I'm like, we just need to go the bathroom chicken. But he's really hot. really rich. Like, okay, vagina, you know the truth lie? No, no, she

Joli Hamilton
always knows.

Allana Pratt
She always knows. She always knows. So that is a spiritual practice dating can become your spiritual practice. Yes, speak

Joli Hamilton
it I am. So here it is, for me, dating is about being in my individuation journey, it, it's part of it, I relate to people that way. And I have never know where that relationship is gonna go. I date across the gender spectrum and across the sexuality spectrum. And it's, it's about not saying the limit will be here because I happen to be married for me. And so it is a spiritual practice and practice of letting go of letting go over and over and over again, not because it couldn't be forever, but because nothing is forever except, you know, us and all of it. It's either all forever or not forever, it doesn't even matter to me anymore. And dating is a beautiful container to explore that through. And now I'm super curious. So tell the audience as we were wrapping up, but I I have to be able to put them in touch with you. How do they get in touch with your community? Because clearly you have created a space where people are experiencing something remarkable.

Allana Pratt
Thank you. Thank you. One thing about what you just said, and then I'll give you all the ways you can we can play together while you choose the the exploration through dating. In my practice, it was probably been a good 1015 years ago, but I decided oh, fuck it, I'm just going to love everybody. Like, or it was like row on session number one, we do this. And then session number two, we do that. And then and then I just realized when I just let go and just loved them. And while I don't sleep with them, I every other way of being in my sexual energy, and I'll flirt with them for sure. Or hold them or what have you, when I just let myself love them. It was it was a quantum leap. nonlinear transformation, because it wasn't me anymore. It was the universe using me for them. I didn't need to get it right or be in control. I was just the facilitator of transformation. And I was willing to go anywhere and stay present with them. And it's just been every business, my courage, everything has just exponentially exploded. And it's really like people will say, I watched a video of yours or a podcast. And so how do I sign up and I'm like, don't want to talk about like when I'm in, I just want to be around you. I'm like, okay, and it's true. And this is the humbling part. When we do the work, our inner jester energy is transformational. Yeah, I can literally be in a grocery store or at a restaurant and just listen. And right before me, I say shit, nothing. And they transform right before me. And I'm like, this was the best conversation ever. And I never see them again, like I didn't even do anything. But the energy the listener is the power of the power position. In, in a communication, it's your capacity to listen without judgment is transformational. And if we can all be this for each other in humanity, that's what changes the world. Okay. So that's why it's so important to do this work. So love to play with all of you some some ways, and I'd love to have you on my podcast.

Joli Hamilton
Yes, we

Allana Pratt
have to talk more. Yeah, so that's intimate conversations, podcast, YouTube channel, 1000s of videos, millions of views, you know, just put in there, whatever your topic is, and I'm sure some great videos will come up on my site is an intimacy blind spot assessment. Because we're all on the path, we do the work, but I can't fucking see my blind spot to save my life. Nobody can the nature of it. But I've developed a way for you to go, Oh, that's really what's running the show, which is just awareness, we still need to do the work, obviously. But at least we don't have to keep spinning in our head or abusing ourselves with what's wrong with me. You're like, oh, it's that okay. Now I can I can work on that I can, I can evolve process integrate that. So that quizzes there. And then also please become a member of our heart mates community, the curriculum is there, the live conscious connection calls are there. And in about six months, the inclusive dating app portion will be there where you whatever your choice is, transparently, you will meet like minded like hearted people. And, and then from there, my reality show will ensue where my job is to go around loving you, and show up on your doorstep with a six pack or whatever. And just say, hey, the dating app says you've had 10 First Dates and no second first, no second dates. Oh, yeah. When girl let's go out, right. Oh, you just went from heart rates for singles into heart rates for couples. Have you had your first fight? Let's do some talking about how to resolve conflict. The good thing is how we how or I've noticed you're you're not even on the dating portion. You're just doing the conscious connection calls. Are you afraid to get hurt again? You're going to so let's work through that now so that you can be free and liberated and connect with people. And so that's my love, love love is to you Wanna get out and do that? Once I get all of this foundational stuff? humming?

Joli Hamilton
I love it. I love it because that's what that's what reality TV is for to like. That's, that's real purpose. Every once in a while we see a show that shows us that like, Oh, we're all just humans on a ride together. Here we are, let's show up for each other. And I am honored to be in your company because I don't think I rarely meet somebody who, who states out loud that they love their clients. And that's exactly what I do. That's what my, my, my transformative analyst did for me, he, he loved me, he loved me. He just looked me dead in the eye and said, I love you. He's 90. He was 93 at the time. And he just looked me dead in the eye and said, I love you until I believed him. And it was broke my heart open. Oh, wow. I think you're you're living that that transformative power. It's an it's irreplaceable. Thank you. And people

Allana Pratt
feel it. And if I didn't love this one, all the wobbly parts and all the inner work, I couldn't love their well being parts. I would judge and fix and improve and whatever. But not just it is actually that doesn't even work that's just sprinkles on top of the ice cream cones shit that you know, doesn't do doesn't do shit. But me literally unconditionally loving them until they do. Like I have. And my mentors and teachers have like, that's the key.

Joli Hamilton
That's it. That's it. Well, thank you so much. So much for this delicious, so yummy. Okay, everybody. Well, thank you so much for joining us alone. I really appreciate that. Thank you.

Thanks so much for tuning into this episode. I have one more thing to share with you. If you want to pop over to listen to joli.com That's just listen to Joli J au li.com. You can grab my top five relationship guides for free right now.

Ken Hamilton
Yeah, get the guides there easy to implement conversations. I will empower you to create the love you want.

Joli Hamilton
It's my mission to make everything talk about audible sex, love losses and learns. Everything is talking about audible.

Ken Hamilton
She managed to help me be able to talk about stuff that I once couldn't even imagine saying out loud. Now I speak openly with my lovers, my friends and family and you all on a podcast out loud. Relationship work really can change everything.

Joli Hamilton
So when you're feeling the rough edges when things aren't going the way you'd hoped. Remember relationships can be messy. And that's good news.