Hi, I'm Joli
I made every mistake possible when I first became consensual non-monogamous because I was completely ALONE trying to figure it out. Not only did I live to tell the tale but I found the fun in that wild mess. There is nothing I find more satisfying than thoughtfully talking about stuff that makes most people uncomfortable. Let's get into it.
How it began...
Um... it was a hot mess. So I decided to study my way out of it.
I grew up in a pretty typical/dysfunctional family. My parents thought codependence was not only normal but aspirational. Yeah, I was set up for success in love, right?
So, that didn't go well. And, I really messed up in my first marriage. I didn't know that there were practical tools and mindset shifts that could get me from codependent to stable and interdependent.
When I started in my first consensually non-monogamous relationship I had no idea what questions to ask, what red flags to watch out for, and what parts of my old patterns I needed to change in order to invite more love into my world without damaging every damn person in range of my life.
Even once I started getting some parts working, my old patterns would kick me in the ass.
My way out of trouble has always been to dive in 100% so I got my doctorate in depth psychology, a certification in sexuality education, and became a researcher known for my work on the archetypal experience of jealousy.
How I can help
Unconventional paths require expert guides or the willingness to fuck up a lot of your life to finally get somewhere
Creating a relationship that has a solid foundation and actual tools to meet changing needs is key for getting consensual non-monogamy to be pleasurable for everyone involved.
Together we will work through my signature process of getting you and your partner(s) on the same page from wherever you are today.
You'll learn relationship habits that make it possible to handle the inevitable bumps in the road. We will also make relationship agreements without trapping each other under the weight of iron-fisted rules.
Shifting from the standard script requires a strategic plan. You are bringing your expertise in yourself and I'm here to take you step-by-step into the unconscious stuff that comes up for everyone when they step out into uncharted waters.
Why I do it
I've seen what's possible when you ACTIVELY CREATE the love you want!
"The first few months of being poly didn't cause us any big problems. We were having fun and everything seemed fine. I didn't know how hard it was going to hit when we stopped being able to talk about everything because one of my partners had different ideas about the rules of sharing details. We started working with Joli and withIn a few months we were back on track and starting to get comfortable actually coming out to our family about our relationship with confidence because we knew we had a plan for the tough stuff"
"We had almost 8 years of practice at the polyamory thing when something I did had us living apart and on the brink of divorce. I was devastated but also almost too proud to ask for help- and all my local people knew too much anyways. I had my first zoom meeting with Joli from a messed up state of mind. I thought it was pretty almost hopeless. It turns out there was more hope than I could have imagined. Today our marriage is stronger than ever and we found a new way to negotiate our challenges. Bonus- our polyamory agreements are easier to communicate to new partners, which makes it so much easier to date!"
Fun facts about me
Kids... yeah, I've got a few (a lot, really)
Seven, to be exact. they are all over 15 now though, so I no longer step on legos in the dark and curse the day I skipped my birth control pills.
I've never eaten a PB & J sandwich
But I love peanut butter. At some point in my 30's I noticed I'd missed the pb & j train and now it seems like a part of my identity.
I didn't know the word polyamory when I started down this road
I'd had some sexy fantasies, but I didn't know how many options relationships could have... my teen self would be so proud of me!
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