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YOO has honestly given us more than I thought was even possible, my wife is so full of love and supportive of my girlfriend and I being in love and open about it and we would not be anywhere near where we are without you and YOO. I feel joy for her joys and journeys and neither my wife nor I are sure we’d still be together had we not found you!
-Michael
YOO alum 2024 (Oak Cohort)
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Just wanted to take a minute to say thank you. You were the first person to teach me this and I feel like it's one of the most helpful things I've EVER learned in my experience of being human.
-Mandee Madrid-Sikich
YOO member 2025 (Linden cohort)
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Joli, I have to tell you a quick story. My husband and I had a situation over the weekend when he experienced attachment panic. Today he was driving in the car and told me he was listening to a podcast episode that "changed his life." He said it popped into his feed as if he was meant to hear it. Well, it was episode 198 where you answer this question I posed to you below. So, I want to say thank you for asking for our questions and for answering them!
-Playing With Fire Listener
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I know more about my needs, wants, and likes than I expected to find. I wasn’t raised to think of myself this way–it’s liberating!
-Laura
YOO alum 2024 (Willow cohort)
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I opened up my marriage five years ago, but I opened up myself this year. I’m grateful for this year of growth. I’m moving forward with access to my own needs and wants.
-River Farrell
YOO alum 2024 (Willow cohort)
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Opened my first dating app profile! So glad to know what not to do- this is so different from meeting someone back in my twenties!
-43 year old man in a 15-year monogamous marriage making a shift from monogamous to polyamorous
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I was going to be the good student, the big Virgo energy, working toward relationship anarchy and one of my greatest lessons in this experience was to embrace myself where I am and how I am and how my body needs me to be, I don’t have to push so hard. There’s a sense of gentleness and expansivity all at the same time!
-YOO participant, open for 8 years and working on CNM as a path of individuation
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I cannot tell you how amazing YOO has been for us. The conversations my partner and I have been having during our "stretch time" every week have truly been remarkable for our relationship. He's even ahead of me on his homework! Stinker! ;) Anyway, we love it and are so grateful for you and Ken!
-YOO participant married several years, parenting a toddler, opening up for the first time.
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I’m in two relationships that are great but are also inspiring me to grapple with my choices and identity. I’m leaning into my truth while staying relational. I’ve been working on moving out of my older anxious tendencies and now seeing avoidant ones; I’m working on practicing secure attachment habits consciously.
-YOO participant came out of a controlling previous CNM experience and learned how to do CNM in a healthy pattern
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I'm grateful for everyone and everything we've shared during YOO. This experience has been filled with moments of anxiety, but it has ultimately led to a sense of settling and peace. I've learned the importance of community and the value of staying present even when things feel challenging. I came in with a ton of experience--I've been open pretty much my whole life--and now I feel like I'm thriving at things I didn't even know I needed to be skillful at in non-monogamy. Thank you all for being part of this journey.
-Anthony DiSciullo
YOO alum 2024 (Birch cohort)
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The class gave me a solid foundation for understanding relationships and community. I'm more confident and capable now, ready to support others with the knowledge and skills I've gained. The Year of Opening has been a transformative experience, helping me to navigate my own journey and to better connect with those around me. I'm grateful for the ongoing support and the opportunity to continue learning and growing.
-Ana Gonzalez
YOO alum 2024 (Birch cohort)
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Joining the Year of Opening was like a lifeboat for us, helping us figure things out when we felt lost and weren't sure we could make it work. Over the course of a year, we've learned so much about ourselves and each other, grown together, and built a solid foundation for our future. My partner and I have learned to communicate so much better--even about all of the hard things--and that has brought us closer than ever. I feel more confident and capable, ready to face whatever comes next. We're creating a relationship together that fits us just right, even if it's a bit outside the norm.
-Cassie F
YOO alum 2024 (Birch cohort)
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When I started this journey, I was following my partner. I didn’t have my own *why* for exploring non-monogamy. I knew I could consent to learning and that I could trust my current partner to work with me at a pace that worked for both of us. We’ve always done things our own way, but questioning monogamy was still a total re-imagining of everything–monogamy and everything it stands for has been the center of my world. It was just so ingrained in every part of my life. But we questioned things, and I learned to deconstruct the whole thing, untangle the threads, and re-weave my own tapestry.
-Laura
YOO alum 2024 (Willow cohort)
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Looking back, I see Year of Opening was a bit of a desperation move for me. I wanted to preserve my couplehood but didn’t know it would be so much bigger than that for me. I see how far we’ve come, how far I’ve come, and wow, I didn’t know what was possible. This weekly group became core for me. I learned more because I could hear how others worked through the skills and growth in their own ways. I’m amazed and grateful for how the Year of Opening has impacted my individuation and relationships.
-Ari
YOO alum 2023 (Juniper cohort)
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The YOO is truly an incredible work of heart. You have given me the gift of finding myself, supported me through the most difficult year of my life, and made me confident in who I am. You saved my livelihood at the most critical point, and I cannot thank you enough; a million times over is not enough. You are so thoughtful, insightful, and compassionate. You’re a great teacher, and I hope many, many more people get the honor of learning from you. I wish I could fully communicate how important this work has been for me, and the safe container you’ve created in which to collaborate with like-minded others is invaluable. Thank you so much.
-Ariana
YOO alum 2024 (Willow cohort)
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We’ve been theoretically open for a long time but this is our first time going to an event and having clearly negotiated for how we would act on our open philosophy. We both had a few experiences we have been dying to make happen for years.
-Private Clients, 6 year couplehood, always open in their ideas but lots of fear had kept them from exploring physically
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Navigated my first night alone in the house with a plan (no more white-knuckling it, as Joli said!) and it went great. I had some feels (big ones), followed my jealousy plan, and when it was time for our check-in the next day I was ready to reconnect genuinely, which meant a lot because I used to do the freeze-out for days after he’d go out.
-YOO alum, 18-year marriage, 6 years open but with a lot of struggles and pain
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To be able to love people in more ways is incredibly liberating! I literally feel like a different person. I don’t ever want to not be curious. And I feel wise! Without these tools people are raw dogging it!
-YOO participant 8 year marriage, opened in a non-negotiated/unconscious way 8 months before beginning YOO. Lots of repair and individuation work and now they are happily CNM
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We have done things I never imagined possible, stuff I thought would break us and we’ve used the tools to have those same things bring us closer together. I feel more comfortable with being in the not-knowing-for-sure spot and trusting that we will work through the hard stuff. I also found the courage to have conversations about my relationship structure with my parents–never thought I’d do that!
-MMT
YOO alum 2023 (Juniper cohort)
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YOO has been part of unraveling a life that wasn’t working for me. I’m learning to be present, differentiated, and to choose to break patterns that no longer serve me. I am also learning to build patterns that do serve my needs and wants moving forward. This class was and continues to be, so much more than I anticipated and truly something I needed. I think anyone, no matter their relationship style or orientation, could benefit from the skills taught in YOO.
-Nicky Karluk
YOO alum 2024 (Willow cohort)
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My life is not where I thought it would be, but I’ve made enormous strides. I went from feeling like “this happened to me” to “I choose non-monogamy for myself, for my own reasons and my own growth” Jealousy doesn’t feel like a life-threatening experience anymore, and I’m finally not grasping so hard that it pushes my wife away. We’re both dating, and we can talk about it with love and care!
-Heather
YOO alum 2023 (Juniper cohort)
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Made our first Minimum Viable Agreement like you taught us and we already hit a dealbreaker. I almost flipped out but then we both remembered that we planned for this. I reached out to our group Signal chat—so glad to have our group support!— and then we worked through the exact steps we had already planned. Back on track and collecting more data about what works and what doesn’t work for us. I’m shocked that we didn’t wind up fighting like we usually do. Shocked. Thanks!
- YOO participant, 2024 (Aspen cohort) 18-month long-distance partnership, opened from the beginning with lots of rollercoasters and crossed-fingers
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Finding home within myself and the importance of community were key lessons. The Year of Opening has been a journey of self-discovery and connection. I've faced my fears, embraced my strengths, and found a supportive community that uplifts and inspires. This experience has taught me to trust myself and to value the connections I make with others. Even though my life has gone so much differently than I might have expected, I'm excited to create intentional relationships everywhere I go. This learning impacted all my relationships: romantic, friendships, and professional alike.
-Monique
YOO alum 2024 (Birch cohort)
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Learning it's okay to disappoint people and staying with the work even when it didn't go as planned has been incredibly rewarding. The Year of Opening has shown me the importance of trusting my own experiences and feelings. I've become more resourceful and resilient, learning to lean into my emotions and navigate challenges. Thank you all for your support and for being part of this transformative journey.
-Justin Kalm
YOO alum 2024 (Birch cohort)
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I never expected to find myself in a group talking about my deepest relationship troubles, but being in a space where I could see how other people deal with the real, raw stuff was stunning. I was surprised by how fast some of the things we learned could become game-changers for my relationships, especially ways to communicate. Conversations that would have crushed us before–now we have them and get closer. I’m so proud of us!
-Ryan
YOO alum 2023 (Juniper cohort)
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The community–having these brilliant humans sharing how they are building relationships they love gave me the courage to keep going. I learned that I can do this on my own, I can get off the relationship escalator and still have the depth and connection I want and make a life that fits me exactly as I am.
-Ariana
YOO alum 2024 (Willow cohort)
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Learning and practicing the techniques of great relationship in a group where I could really be myself and show my soft, vulnerable fears helped me immensely. I found the strength to be in integrity with my beloved and to hold myself accountable even when it was scary. We’ve grown closer and I believe in us individually and together more than ever.
-Noah Coad
YOO alum 2023 (Juniper cohort)
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Witnessing each other on the roller coaster ride of emotions and growth gave me hope during my own ups and downs. I love that we developed an easy system to stretch and make changes that were sustainable. I can trust my partner more and trust myself too, that we’re both showing up fully.
-Martha Marin
YOO alum 2023 (Juniper cohort)
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My life is not where I thought it would be, but I’ve made enormous strides. I went from feeling like “this happened to me” to “I choose non-monogamy for myself, for my own reasons and my own growth” Jealousy doesn’t feel like a life-threatening experience anymore, and I’m finally not grasping so hard that it pushes my wife away. We’re both dating, and we can talk about it with love and care!
-Heather
YOO alum 2023 (Juniper cohort)
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It’s easier for me to have the relationships with others that I want, I can finally communicate my needs and wants, and it feels possible to live the life I wanted deeply.
-Bobbi
YOO alum 2023 (Juniper cohort)
